"Post Fappening World" by Kirk Garland Jr.

“Oogling nudes from celebrities such as Jennifer Lawrence, Kate Upton, & that British chick with the penis in her eye were life changing…”

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The OP from 4chan has gone above & beyond the call of duty… but at what cost? As a 9th Dan Nude Pic Con Man, I’ve spent the last few days coping with the aftermath of The Fappening; and how much more arduous the art of conning women into sending nudes will be in a Post Fappening World. Oogling nudes from celebrities such as Jennifer Lawrence, Kate Upton, & that British chick with the penis in her eye were life changing; but now, Chelsea (a woman I met at a local dive last weekend) has a heightened sense of caution of taking photos of those marvelous breasts… /despair.

“Being a better person makes you a better person.”

On various social media sites, I’ve come across morally impeccable, flawlessly dignified, fucking bores “slut shaming” other women for the taking of nude pictures. If taking nudes isn’t your thing—I get that— I also respect that. But to look down from your “moral high ground” and cast down your judgment on others is pathetic. Refusing to take or send nudes does not make you a better person and taking and sending nudes doesn’t either. Being a better person makes you a better person. Being a judgmental hypocritical moralist just makes you a cunt. Not to mention, (of course I’m going to mention) most of the “cunts” attempting to shame other women are cows, (figuratively speaking) that I’d rather interview ISIS than give a good ol’ dicking down too.

“…the most disgusting bunch of hypocrites on the planet.”

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That brings me to the media; the most disgusting bunch of hypocrites on the planet. The same people that crucified Mel Gibson (see what I did there) for the recordings his wife took of what he thought to be a PRIVATE phone call. The same people that crucified Donald Sterling for the recordings his mistress took in the PRIVACY of his own home. THE SAME PEOPLE who had HELICOPTERS above Robin Williams home after his suicide, when his family “respectfully asked for their PRIVACY…” Those same people are advocating the privacy of the celebrities affected by The Fappening, and I tell those same people to go fuck themselves. You invade the lives and exploit everyone without discrimination and now I’m supposed to feel bad because I want to see Jennifer Lawrence’s tits? Again, go fuck yourselves.

“I asked before; the cost of The Fappening, and now I wonder… If the OP would have known beforehand would he have gone through with it?”

In conclusion, I believe this to only be the beginning of a decline in fappable good morning texts from the good eggs who participate in such delightfulness. Women will be wary of taking any form of nude picture, and we the men, will suffer because of it. I asked before; the cost of The Fappening, and now I wonder… If the OP would have known beforehand would he have gone through with it? Have we ever risen so high just to fall to such depths before?

Kirk Garland Jr. is a music artist, aspiring author, and pervert.

Follow him on Twitter @kirkgarlandjr

Waiting on Chelsea’s nudes like…

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  • She Who Doesn't Care: Some things are worth getting your heart broken for.
  • He Who Doesn't Matter: Maybe, your heart nigga. Leave my shit out of this.
#NowReading The First Law: Book Three - Last Argument of Kings by Joe Abercrombie

#NowReading The First Law: Book Three - Last Argument of Kings by Joe Abercrombie

It’s hard to talk about the importance of an imaginary hero. Heroes are important, heroes tell us something about ourselves. History books tell us who we used to be, documentaries tell us who we are now… But heroes tell us who we want to be. And a lot of our heroes depress me. When they made this particular hero they didn’t give him a gun, they gave him a screwdriver to fix things. They didn’t give him a tank, or a warship, or an X Wing Fighter… They gave him a call box, from which you can call for help. And they didn’t give him a superpower, or pointy ears, or a heat ray— they gave him an extra heart… They gave him two hearts. That’s an extraordinary thing. There will never come a time when we don’t need a hero like The Doctor.

Steven Moffat

III. Long Way Down

(Intro)

I’ve been falling for so long.

That I can’t wait to hit the ground.

It’s a long way down.

it’s a long way down.

(Verse One)

No better than the demons I conjure.

Look in the mirror, all I see is a monster.

I look around me, all I see are imposters.

I look beside me; man this girl needs an Oscar.

… I don’t care if it’s real.

… I don’t care how you feel.

Double D’s on her— I don’t care if they’re real.

Nothing real about it; why do we even bother?

Sometimes I feel like The Doctor.

Or WhiskeyJack in Raraku.

Like Kvothe searching for Denna.

Like Inuyasha chasing after Naraku.

I can’t love you, it’s too soon for me.

I’m sorry, there’s nothing you can do for me.

Just do what makes you most happy.

Even if there’s no room for me.

(Bridge)

Going down slow now.

Fuck around, swear I’ll burn down this whole town.

I can’t run there’s nowhere left to go now.

So I guess I’m headed home now.

It’s a long way down.

 
(Outro)

I’ve been falling for so long.

That I can’t wait to hit the ground.

It’s a long way down.

it’s a long way down.

II. I Don’t Know

(Verse One)
If I shouted… “Fuck bitches” they’d be all about it

Girl this music is my high… I’d probably fall without it.

I’ll probably fall regardless; these dreams just seem the farthest.

Looking for brighter days ahead, because I’ve seen the darkest.

It’s kind of crazy, you know baby? This whole life thing.

Surrounded by the wrong women just trying to do the right thing.

I guess good guys & bad bitches aren’t compatible.

So if I want a bad bitch I need a heart that’s mechanical.

Yeah.

Heart— Tin Man. Diaphragm— Iron Man.

We’re all just looking for some answers— Iverson.

I forgot what I was saying, I don’t care what was she was saying.

I need sleep; I’m sick and tired of being tired man.

Insomniac, I know my son just wants his mommy back.

But as things stand between us, we could never be together.

Like our parents before us we will never see forever.

She scarred me, so all I can really say is I’m sorry…

(Bridge)

But it doesn’t really matter, cause all I do is make excuses.

In a world built on lies, how could anybody know what the truth is?

But the truth is— I don’t know.

I don’t know…

(Hook)

She said we’re better than that but I don’t think so.

But I appreciate the fact that you think so.

We’re faced with two options.

Either jump ship, or baby we can sink slow.

Yeah.

Honey when you live fast…

You die slow.

All your songs sound broken…

Yeah, I know.

All I do is make excuses.

All I do is make excuses.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(Verse Two)
If I shouted… “Get money” they’d be all about it.

Girl this music is my high… I’d probably fall without it.

I’ll probably fall regardless; these dreams just seem the farthest.

Looking for brighter days ahead, because I’ve seen the darkest.

Please let’s not do this baby; it’s just something else that we’ll fight about.

I want to be happy, but then what the fuck would I write about?

I… I don’t know. Maybe I should send a text to you… 

But I don’t know who’s lying next to you.

You want that Vampire Life I’ll give that True Death to you.

Message in a bottle, I just really hope it gets to you.

Then she asked me “You don’t have anything left… Do you?”

“If life is meaningless, then what could I have meant to you?”

I don’t know… But it was never really about that.

I gave you my fucking heart, how am I supposed to live without that?

I guess you and I aren’t us anymore are we?

You scarred me, don’t insult me by saying you’re sorry.

(Bridge)
Cause it doesn’t really matter, when all you do is make excuses.

In a world built on lies, how could anybody know what the truth is?

But the truth is— I don’t know.

I don’t know…

(Hook)
She said we’re better than that but I don’t think so.

But I appreciate the fact that you think so.

We’re faced with two options.

Either jump ship, or baby we can sink slow.

Yeah.

Honey when you live fast…

You die slow.

All your songs sound broken…

Yeah, I know.

All you do is make excuses.

All you do is make excuses.

Yeah, yeah, yeah…

I. A Ways Away

(Intro)

… I don’t know where to start.

We used to be so Lois & Clark.

Since when did growing up mean growing apart?

You said the levees would break if I ever opened my heart.

Well, let it flood.

(Hook)

I’ve been running so long.

I’ve been lost for so long.

I’ve been gone for so long.

I know, I know.

There’s not much left to say.

I won’t ask you to stay.

My lonely Bee—

 Our love’s a ways away, I know.

I know…

I know…

Our love’s a ways away, I know.

(Verse One)

This is for us. For everything that’ll never be.

You know I’m not ok, you see through it when I pretend to be.

Room full of enemies. Foreign girls— Geneviève’s.

Sohka’s with Saki and Czechoslovakians.

Man, they done boxed me in. Look what they got me in.

Text say’s I’m immature. Ok, I probably am.

Hoes that I’m lobbying keep fucking up my Zen.

Everything’s wrong here… just keep fucking up my head.

Overheard “love is dead… and so is God.”

I guess, I’ve always been Against All Odds.

I mean, I’ve always been a little odd.

Clark Kent, though? No, I’m more General Zod.

Not to generalize. You’s in general— lie.

They’re taking shots at me like I’m wanted dead or alive.

“It gets better in time”… I sure hope so.

She said “It’s bout time that you let all of your ghosts go.”

And I agree… it’s just not that simple.

No role models; but this bottle is quite influential.

I should pace myself. You should save yourself.

Maybe, you were right all along. And I just hate myself.

She says everything that I’m too afraid to say myself.

“You could never run far enough to escape yourself.”

“Heroik… you have a ways away to go.”

(Hook)

I’ve been running so long.

I’ve been lost for so long.

I’ve been gone for so long.

I know, I know.

There’s not much left to say.

I won’t ask you to stay.

My lonely Bee—

 Our love’s a ways away, I know.

I know…

I know…

But there’s always a way, I know.

(Outro to Fade)

There’s always a way, I know.

There’s always a way I know.

I know.

All I do is make ex—